Nurturing Twin Potential: Understanding Differences Without Gender Bias

“I am a mother of 2-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. I have noticed my daughter is more focused and peaceful, while my son craves more active play. Should I raise them differently?”

It’s a thoughtful question that many parents, especially those raising twins of different genders, often ask. It’s natural to notice distinct temperamental differences between your children. But should those differences guide your parenting style?

Let’s explore what the research reveals and how to nurture your twins without considering gender-based assumptions.

Are Boys More Energetic?

The belief that boys are inherently more active while girls are calmer is widespread—but oversimplified.

An analysis by the National Institute of Mental Health found that boys may score slightly higher on physical activity and girls slightly higher on effortful control (attention and self-regulation), but the differences are minimal. What is more, variation within each gender far outweighs variation between genders. In other words, a boy may be calm and contemplative, while a girl might be very energetic.1

Another study of toddlers echoed this: although boys were slightly more active on average, the difference wasn’t substantial enough to warrant significantly different parenting strategies.2

Focus on the Individual, Not the Stereotype

Rather than parenting based on gender expectations, focus on your children’s unique temperaments and interests. In your case:

• For your son: Support his need for movement with active play—climbing, karate, outdoor exploration, and introduce calming activities like building blocks, water play, colouring, or storytelling.
• For your daughter: Nurture her concentration through focused play while introducing physically engaging experiences such as nature walks, bicycling, or obstacle courses.

This balance allows responsive parenting that respects each child’s natural tendencies while expanding their skills and experiences.

Supporting Confident Development

The goal is not to mold children based on gender, it is to help them become confident, self-aware, and adaptable. Here’s how:

• Vary play experiences: Offer a mix of free, creative, focused, structured, and sensory-rich activities.
• Encourage independence: Let your children choose their own activities and solve small problems. This builds decision-making skills and self-confidence.
• Teach emotional literacy: Help them identify and express their emotions in healthy, constructive ways.
• Acknowledge their interests: Show curiosity and support for what they love. This helps them recognize their passions and pursue them comfortably.
• Foster social skills: Peer play and shared sibling experiences cultivate empathy, patience, and cooperation.

True growth doesn’t come from fitting into a mold—it comes from having the freedom to explore who they truly are.

Connecting to GREATEST: G – Growth

This journey aligns beautifully with Growth, the "G" in the GREATEST parenting roadmap.

Growth is not only about ticking boxes or meeting milestones on a timeline. It also blossoms through daily play, exploration, and emotional connection. When you honor your twins’ individuality—allowing them to lead, explore, and express—you support their physical, emotional, and cognitive development.

Let them be curious, reflective, or exuberant—just let them be.

That’s where true growth begins.

Footnotes

1. Else-Quest, N. M., Hyde, J. S., Goldsmith, H. H., & Van Hulle, C. A. (2006). Gender differences in temperament: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 132(1), 33–72. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.132.1.33
2. Campbell, D. W., & Eaton, W. O. (1999). Sex differences in the activity level of infants. Infant and Child Development, 8(1), 1–17. https://doi.org/10.1002/(SICI)1522-7219(199903)8:1<1::AID-ICD163>3.0.CO;2-1