The Science of Mistakes: Why Getting It Wrong Is the Best Way to Learn
“Mom, it keeps falling!” six-year-old Noah groaned, shedding tears as his block tower collapsed again.
His mother sat beside him. “Hmm,” she said softly. “I wonder why it keeps falling. Want to try again?”
He sniffled, nodded, and began rebuilding. This time, he carefully added a large block at the base. Slowly, the tower stood tall.
Mom smiled. “You figured it out!”
In that moment, something bigger than a tower took shape. Noah learned that failure should not stop you; instead, success comes if you keep trying.
Welcome back to the GREATEST Parenting Roadmap. Today, we continue with cognitive Growth in young children through play. We will look at the surprising science behind mistakes, why mistakes are essential to learning, and how you can help your child turn frustration into growth.
Mistakes: The Brain’s Secret Workout
Most of us grew up hearing that mistakes were bad. But the truth? Mistakes are how the brain gets smarter.
Researchers have found that when children make errors, their brains actually light up. In a study published in Child Development, neuroscientist Jason Moser stated that the brain becomes more active when we notice and think about our mistakes, literally building stronger neural connections for future learning.¹
So the next time your child accidentally spills milk or places a puzzle piece in the wrong spot, remember: do not view it as failure — it is feedback! Their brain is learning how to do it better.
When Shame Gets in the Way
For adults, mistakes often stir up shame or embarrassment, reminders of how we were treated when things went wrong as children. When children sense that adults view mistakes as something to hide, fear, or lie about, they quickly learn to do the same.
This creates a silent emotional pattern: fear of failure replaces curiosity. Instead of asking, “What can I learn?”, children start thinking, “What if I look stupid?” Over time, this fear limits both emotional and cognitive development.
Children who internalize shame around mistakes often become risk-averse, anxious, or overly dependent on praise. Their brains shift from exploration mode to self-protection mode, which can stunt creativity, problem-solving, and resilience. Conversely, when adults respond to mistakes with calm curiosity, children learn that mistakes or getting answers wrong are simply opportunities for improvement.
The Power of “Yet”
Psychologist Carol Dweck refers to this as a growth mindset — the belief that abilities can improve with effort.²
Children who believe they can improve don’t fear mistakes; they use them. When adults say, “You’re so smart,” children sometimes start avoiding hard things to protect that label. However, when we say, “You worked so hard on that,” or “You tried a new way,” we shift the focus to effort, not talent. We focus on progress instead of instant perfection.
That small shift from “I can’t” to “I can’t yet” changes everything. It builds persistence, creativity, healthy self-esteem, and confidence.
When Helping Too Much Hurts Learning
Generally, as parents, we find it hard to watch our children struggle. Our first instinct is to step in — to fix the tower, finish the homework, or say, “Here is how you do it.”
But research shows that a little struggle is actually good. Psychologists Robert and Elizabeth Bjork call this "desirable difficulty.”*³ When children wrestle with a challenge, they remember and understand better later on.
So instead of rescuing them too quickly, try waiting. Ask, “What do you think might work?” or “Want to try it another way?” Using this approach, teach them to problem-solve and not to panic.
Parents’ Role: Turning Mistakes into Moments
Here are some practical ways to help children see mistakes as opportunities along their learning journey rather than disasters:
- Model your own mistakes.
“Oops, I left my keys inside. Next time I’ll hang them by the door.” Show that adults mess up too but they move on. - Ask, don’t tell.
Display curiosity instead of correction. “Hmm, what happened here?” invites reflection more than “That’s wrong.” - Celebrate effort.
Praise persistence: “You didn’t give up!” " See, you succeeded." This teaches that effort is what leads to success. - Share real stories.
Talk about people who failed before they succeeded — Thomas Edison, J.K. Rowling, or even times from your own life. - Let frustration be okay.
It is natural to feel upset when things go wrong. Offer empathy, not instant solutions: “I can see that was tough. Want to try again later?”
A Small Puzzle, A Big Lesson
Five-year-old Maya slammed her hands on the table. “It’s too hard!” she cried, glaring at the jigsaw puzzle.
Her dad sat beside her. “Yeah, this one’s tricky,” he said calmly. “What do you notice about that piece?”
Maya turned it, looked again — click. It fit perfectly. Her face lit up.
That “aha” moment did not come from being told the answer. It came from trying, thinking, and believing she could figure it out.
Mistakes Build More Than Smarts
When children are allowed to fail safely, they don’t just build brain power; they also build heart power. They learn patience, persistence, and problem-solving.
Each small failure becomes a lesson in confidence: I can handle this. And that belief matters far more than getting things right the first time.
Because life is not about being perfect, it is about being brave enough to keep trying.
Remember
So next time your child spills, breaks, or struggles, take a deep breath and smile. You are not watching them fail; in fact, you are watching their brain grow stronger.
When we reframe mistakes as learning opportunities, we give our children something no lesson can teach — the courage to keep experimenting and exploring, the determination to try, try, and try again!
After all, every scientist, inventor, and dreamer learned the same truth:
Failure is not the opposite of success — it is the path to it.
References
¹ Moser, J. S., Schroder, H. S., Heeter, C., Moran, T. P., & Lee, Y. H. (2011). Mind your errors: Evidence for a neural mechanism linking growth mindset to adaptive posterror adjustments. Psychological Science, 22(12), 1484–1489.
² Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
³ Bjork, R. A., & Bjork, E. L. (2018). Desirable difficulties in theory and practice. Psychology and the Real World: Essays Illustrating Fundamental Contributions to Society, 4, 56–64.