Why Emotions Matter in Early Childhood

Three-year-old Mia is in the sandbox at preschool. She carefully builds a tower of sand, but another child runs by and accidentally knocks it over. Mia grows upset, and tears well in her eyes. Her teacher kneels beside her and gently says, “I know you are upset because you worked hard on that tower.” Mia nods, feeling seen and understood.

This everyday moment was more than just a spilled pile of sand. It was a powerful lesson in emotional awareness, validation, and relationship-building—a cornerstone of healthy child development.

Emotions: Children’s Earliest Language

Emotions are children’s first way of communicating their needs before they can express themselves with words. A newborn’s cry signals hunger, discomfort, or the need for comfort. A toddler’s laughter shows joy, and a preschooler’s frown may indicate confusion or frustration.

When adults observe and respond to these emotional cues with empathy and attunement, children learn that their feelings matter and that their caregivers are reliable sources of comfort, support, and guidance. This early attunement builds trust and connection with others, laying the foundation for secure relationships and emotional well-being.

Emotional Safety Builds Lifelong Resilience

Children flourish when they feel emotionally safe. Emotional safety means that a child knows they can express feelings, both big and small, without fear of punishment, ridicule, abuse, or neglect. When caregivers offer consistent, loving responses, children gain the confidence to explore, try new things, and bounce back from setbacks.

These secure early experiences are linked to:

• Better mental health: Children who feel emotionally supported are less likely to experience anxiety, depression, or chronic stress later in life.
• Stronger social skills: They learn to read others’ emotions, resolve conflicts, and build friendships.
• Positive self-esteem: When feelings are accepted and validated, children come to see themselves as worthy and capable.

Research indicates that emotional support from caregivers during the early years develops better social and academic outcomes in childhood and beyond. ¹

Emotional Milestones: Birth to 8 Years

Like learning to crawl, walk, or talk, children also reach emotional milestones as they grow. Here’s a quick snapshot:

• Infants (0–12 months): Express basic emotions like joy, anger, fear, and sadness. Babies learn to self-soothe with a caregiver’s help—rocking, soft singing, or gentle touch.
• Toddlers (1–3 years): Experience intense emotions and begin to show empathy (like offering a toy to a crying friend). They struggle with impulse control, which is why tantrums are common during this phase, often referred to as the “Terrible Twos.”
• Preschoolers (3–5 years): Start recognizing their feelings and those of others. They learn simple strategies to manage emotions, such as taking deep breaths.
• Early school age (5–8 years): Gain better control over emotional responses, understand complex feelings (like jealousy or guilt), and develop perspective-taking, which is key for making friends.

Understanding these milestones helps caregivers respond with patience and age-appropriate expectations, instead of treating children like “mini adults.” With the ability to control all their emotions.

Why Ignoring Emotions Hurts

Sometimes adults feel uncomfortable with children’s big feelings. These intense emotional experiences, such as anger, frustration, sadness, or fear, can be overwhelming for both child and adult. Children often struggle to understand and manage these emotions, which generally result in tantrums or other challenging behaviors.

Parents and other caregivers must recognize that these feelings are real and deserve acknowledgment, not punishment or dismissal. Even well-meaning attempts to “calm things down” can inadvertently send the message that emotions are bad or dangerous.

Repeatedly ignoring or minimizing emotions can lead to:

• Emotional shut-down or avoidance
• Increased anxiety or aggression
• Difficulty forming trusting relationships

Children need adults who “name it to tame it,” as Dr. Dan Siegel famously says²—labeling emotions helps young children make sense of their inner world and learn to regulate themselves.

Emotions Guide Relationships

Emotions don’t just happen inside children; they’re shaped through observation and connection with the people around them. When adults show empathy, validate feelings, and model healthy emotional management, children learn to do the same. These skills help them navigate these present and future situations:

• Friendships: Understanding when a friend is sad or needs comfort
• Family dynamics: Expressing needs and resolving conflicts peacefully
• School experiences: Coping with frustration, excitement, or disappointment

The Playground Scrape

Five-year-old Alex falls off the slide and scrapes his knee. His first reaction is a mix of surprise and fear, quickly changing to loud sobs. His dad rushes over, hugs him, and says, “That must have hurt! You were so brave trying the slide on your own.”

By acknowledging Alex’s pain and bravery, his dad not only comforts him but also strengthens Alex’s sense of self and trust. Alex learns that feelings, even painful ones, are natural and can be managed with support.

Make Emotions a Priority

Children are not born with a manual, but emotions are like a built-in compass, guiding them through the complex world of relationships, learning, and self-understanding. By tuning into children’s feelings, we nurture resilient, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent individuals who can blossom through all stages of life.

As caregivers, educators, and communities, let’s give emotions the attention they deserve, because in early childhood, feelings matter.

Footnotes

¹ National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004). Children’s Emotional Development Is Built into the Architecture of Their Brains. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. Retrieved from Harvard link

² Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam Books.